The secret of love between a man and a woman (Ana Nadeždić)
UNRESOLVED PAST IS THE ENEMY OF EVERY NEW RELATIONSHIP
One man and one woman, eyes fixed on each other, incredible magnetic attraction, and desire to meet, touch, get to know one another and share a life …
Male and female energies are two polarities that attract each other, and this results in a pursuit of a person who will complete our life and make it more beautiful, a person to start a family with. However, what happens after some time? The thing that statistics clearly shows that for example in Italy one in every three marriages falls apart, and in America every other marriage suffers the same fate. Where did the initial magic go? What happened to that magical person we once knew? After a while the magic disappears, the bubble of all going so well suddenly bursts after the first couple of months and then everything seems so difficult, so stupid and so grueling. That inner magic may resurface again because it wants to repeat this incredible feeling of love and passion which was present in the beginning. What ensues is all too well known to us: the relationship ends and we again begin searching for a new partner who will satisfy the needs the previous one didn’t or if the relationship is longer, or there are children and money issues, life under the same roof may continue, but each partner goes their own way. Another scenario often involves the decision to spend life on one’s own. All this results in a deep sense of dissatisfaction, frustration, suffering children, stress etc.
Eternal love does exist
Is there a way out? In my opinion there is. Is it possible to be happy in a long-term relationship? Again, I dare say it is. Is it possible to love the same person all your life? Once again, yes. It is all a matter of decision, but decision on its own is not enough. Who am I to claim with such certainty that it is possible to be happy in a long-term relationship? What gives me the right to say such a thing? The answer to these two questions is my experience and my professional training.
I am in a relationship which has lasted for more than 11 years now, I am married to Andrea and we have a beautiful seven-year-old son, Luka. Andrea brought his daughter from the first marriage into our relationship, and her presence has enriched our life together. Our relationship is based on deep respect, fidelity, profound love and the mutual goal to develop not only as a couple but also as individuals. We respect our relationship, and each other’s freedom and expression.
Love fraught with pain
However, things in my life haven’t always been as they are now. I had a previous marriage which ended in divorce after seven years together, but the real break up had happened four years into the marriage. Besides that experience I also had several love affairs which were fraught with drama, pain, dissatisfaction and grief. I chose to write about this for BG online having a very clear goal on my mind, to reveal a secret to the readers, a secret which not many people know, but which represents a key to blissful partnership. Knowing that secret has brought me a very good relationship and marriage in which powerful energy of love is present.
I have no doubt that it is possible to save 80% of couples who have decided to split up. Through professional experience I am privileged to observe the magic of reuniting those who once thought that their relationship was destined to fail. I also get to look at those who have finally managed to attract their dream partners. I will reveal this secret to you now. My advice is that you find some quiet time and read this text with great attention. Make a cup of coffee and find a comfortable place. Information you are about to receive might forever change your view of love life.
Three stages of a relationship
The underlying reason for unsuccessful relationships is the fact that people don’t know the true purpose of a relationship between a man and a woman. The goal is not simply to start a family or be sexually compatible. Those are important things, but they don’t represent the most important and main reason for sharing a life with someone. What is it then? In order for you to understand this I will first let you in on a secret: there are three stages in a relationship between a man and a woman, and the third stage is rarely achieved.
The first stage is called the ‘’ROMANTIC ILLUSION’’!
What does this mean and what does it imply?
We are all familiar with that stage. It’s the incredible feeling of attraction and exaltation in the very beginning of a romantic relationship. During that stage, it seems as if the we have found the ideal partner , an incredible, out-of-this-world being, without any flaws. And life seems just great. The romantic illusion got its name because it is nothing else but a great lie and illusion. And only a few people know that. The problem with such ignorance is that people find themselves fantasizing about the illusion lasting forever and about a lifetime with that ideal person and ideal feeling which often breeds problems and disappointment. Why?
The answer is that we don’t know the true purpose of a romantic relationship as yet and we become stuck in the key stage – the ‘’STAGE OF DISSAPOINTMENT’’!
It is very easy to recognize the beginning of this stage. Previously flawless person suddenly seems different. He or she starts acting impatiently and is no longer caring and gentle towards us. I often hear people who approach me with love problems say: ‘’It is like I have been married to a complete stranger’’. This is also the stage during which people start fantasizing about having an adventure, where they slowly but undoubtedly start falling apart, up to the point when they become so distant that a divorce or break-up seems inevitable.
Now I will tell you great truth, if your goal is to have a successful and long-term relationship which is based on true spiritual values, you must understand that the cause of all problems in romantic relationships is that every partner, after a while, pulls out a heavy suitcase full of unresolved past issues. That past consists of negative notions in connection with their family story and of negative emotions which have contributed to feelings of negativity. What happens next? Then we, without being aware, project the responsibility for the lack of personal satisfaction onto the partner.
However, this stage is also the purpose of a romantic relationship between a man and a woman. If, during this stage, we seek help and start working on ourselves by clearing the subconscious mind of wrong notions and toxic emotions, the reward will be crucial to the overall purpose and aim of our lives. We will then have a chance to finally start living blissfully and in accordance with our core values. And what happens with the relationship? Then the relationship enters the third stage called ‘’THE STAGE OF SACRED LOVE’’.
This stage overlaps with the second one. This is the stage in which both partners become aware that they don’t need a relationship to feel complete, which is exactly what they tend to feel in the first stage. In this stage, two individuals are together because they have chosen to spend their life with another person, the choice is spiritual, and the decision is a rational one. This is when we no longer address our partner with ‘’I love you’’ but with ‘’I love myself through you’’. We stop projecting our unresolved past onto our partner, we start projecting our deep love for ourselves and feel in contact with our deepest personal values. When bad emotions and problems occur, we don’t point fingers at our partner nor blame them, we investigate our actions and ask: ‘’what in my past has triggered this?’’ During the stage of sacred love both partners fully express their views and their talents and they go through life transferring this value on their surroundings. As a result, there is a profound satisfaction and realization of one’s dreams, happy children, better environment and eventually a better and more just world.
How to work on ourselves?
Is it difficult to reach the third stage? Is it necessary for both partners to do this? It is not difficult, but it is very important to have in mind that it takes time and effort to start working on oneself, and it is not necessary for both partners to do it. Here is an example of a client of mine whom I have kept in the fondest memory. A woman in her sixties, who had been married for forty years. She came to our first meeting with a very heavy energy and a sad expression on her face and told me: ‘’I and my husband have lived under the same roof, but we haven’t shared anything meaningful with each other. He doesn’t know how I feel and I don’t know how he feels, we each have our own separate lives and we both have lovers. I have no intention of divorcing him because we have got two children and four grandchildren, but only divorce would be the real solution.’’ After almost two months of work on herself and mind you, at that point I hadn’t still met her husband, she called me in disbelief to tell me: ‘’A miracle has happened. My husband has started asking me out for walks. He has even prepared a surprise party for my birthday”. The point of this story is that these two people, after having spent forty years in marriage as strangers, revealed the magic of love and deep emotions they had towards one another. This is the power of personal improvement through the romantic relationship and using the love problems as a tool to develop our personal story. The rewards of building this sacred love I could only properly describe by quoting myself and my partner Andrea: ‘’Andrea Olivero and Ana Nadezdic, two souls joined in one. Two different souls that have formed a new entity. Two people’s talents combined with the aim of becoming even better individuals all in order to leave their mark on this world.’’
Foto: Ema Bednarž