Is your coach THE creator of YOUR life?

When YOU change – YOU change

I think this needs to be said.

A lot of NLP trainers and coaches out there want to take credit for the changes their clients are going through.

Only the good changes, obviously … it is easy to understand this tendency – if a coach can “make” you successful, smart, slim, rich, famous, sexy, confident etcetera, then it makes sense to buy their services. You will be relieved of all responsibility. Just sit back and enjoy the results.

And by the way – this isn’t only true of coaches. Some psychologists, some psychiatrists, some healers and people from many other professions also spread this delusion. We are sure you can supply your own examples.Thomas&LidijaSmile

But here is the problem. If your coach owns your change – where did your freedom go? Or did the coach just create more dependency. And was it even a one off deal – or is your change dependent on you returning to the coach again and again, like an addiction?

One of the most fundamental ideas of NLP is that we are not at the effect of outside forces. So it becomes a sad travesty when people who claim to be proficient in NLP also claim to be the cause of other people’s change.

(And at the same time of course we are not uninfluenced by the external world. Not determined, not uninfluenced. So what’s going on. It is simple: we make the best choices available to us in our model of the world.)

When YOU change – YOU change.Thomas&LidijaSmile2

Does this mean that going to a coach is a waste of time? Of course not. (That is: it depends on the coach.) A good coach creates context in which it is easy for you to change. But you are the one changing. The change belongs to you. And you have grown and become more powerful – because now you have created a change that was previously impossible.

This is one of the reasons we really like the New Code of NLP. It is built to foster autonomy. And sure – people come to us and they manage to create changes that were previously impossible – and it is a privilege to witness. And yes, we are proud that we are capable of creating a situation in which people change. But we do not delude ourselves – WE are not changing anyone. It’s always the client that changes. And that is how it should be.

When you change – YOU change.

And if you’d like to learn proven strategies that can help you take your game to a whole new level, join us in Belgrade in May and June, in Brussels from mid June to mid July and the U.S. from mid July to mid August for our unique and transformational trainings! More info at or on our website about NLP in Brussels

Sending you oceans of love,

Lidija & Thomas

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