Psychology

Sex without love and love without sex

WHAT (DON’T) WE KNOW ABOUT SEX? (dr. Milica Ristić)

”I think that everyone has their own strengths that can help them solve problems, or at least ease the suffering caused by difficult situations in life.” – this is what  dr. Milica Ristić, a psychiatrist and CBT/REBT psychotherapist, uses as a guideline when working with her clients, and also adds that it is very important to talk about sex.
”Sex should be something that we should openly talk about, without judgment and with acceptance.”- says dr Milica Ristić. ”One in two women and one in three men have a sexual issue or dilemma. If we start talking early, the problem will be solved and the suffering will be reduced.  It is important that the medical branch talks about sex and sexuality in plain, common language and not by using professional terms. This is a topic  everyone else discusses: journalists, directors, commercials, actors, singers, reality programs, politician, porn actors etc. The only people who are ‘’loudly’’ silent are the people working in the healthcare system. It is high time that we too, and by we I mean doctors, therapists and pharmacists taught people that healthy sexuality and sexual wellbeing are one of the basic human rights. Let’s ask people about sex and sexuality just as we ask them about their appetite, quality of sleep, whether they are in any pain or how they feel. This type of education and normalization of discussing sexuality is something that we should be practicing regularly, while we are talking to people ihealth centers or during therapy. The media also play an important role in providing the way of getting the right messages and information across to as many people as possible. Great misconceptions are that sex and sexuality are something to be ashamed of, something that is amoral and that they are only expressed in a single way, by penetration. ”
What is the connection between love and sex?
”Love and the act of engaging in sex are in a dynamic relationship. For some people they always go hand in hand, and for others they are always separate. Some people have periods in their lives when love and sex are disconnected and there are periods when they are connected. The most desirable situation is the one in which two people are in a relationship, and at the same time have the same emotions and the same needs, for example, when two people are in a relationship and they feel love, trust, and aim to deepen their connection, or when two people are only interested in occasional sexual encounters, but are not in love. The problem occurs when one of those two people only wants sex without commitments, and the other person is in love and wants to be loved.”

How do love without sex and sex without love look like?
”Love without sex is all around us: in our families, among our friends etc.
When we talk about a romantic relationship , there are those to whom the act of making love is not important and it doesn’t represent a precondition for a romantic relationship, and if both partners agree on this, nothing is wrong. Partnership between two people that have been living together for a while is susceptible to change. There are periods of time when both of them have less need for sex; they are focused on other things and interests. Sex doesn’t have to be, and most often isn’t the main indicator of the amount of love that is present. Enjoying sex without love is possible. The most common problem that occurs in these types of relationships is when one person wants or feels love.”
What does it mean to have a “healthy” sexual life?
”Healthy sexuality of a couple is when both partners are satisfied: with the way in which their mutual sexuality appears, by the number of intimate relations and their involvement in the act itself.”
What is (not) allowed in sex, and to what extent is sex a taboo topic in these parts of the world?
”Discrimination, violence, and stripping someone of their right to free choice are not allowed in sex. Although there is nothing more normal than sex and sexuality, this topic is unfortunately still, in the 21st century, viewed as inappropriate or shameful, which leaves very little space for a sincere conversation between partners and an appropriate transfer of useful messages to people. Like every taboo, wrapped in a veil of mystery and fear, this one also opens up a lot of space for ignorance, and thus numerous misuses of sex and sexuality, in private lives as well as in public.”

Branka Gajić

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